The Psychology of Adultery

Published: 29th March 2011
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The psychology of adultery has been falsified by conventional morals, which assume, in monogamous countries, that attraction to one person cannot coexist with a serious affection for another. Everybody knows that this is untrue. Bertrand Russell (1872 - 1970) British Mathematician, Philosopher


According to Wikipedia, Infidelity (commonly known as cheating) is a violation of the mutually agreed-upon rules or boundaries of an intimate relationship.


What exactly do people promise and accept as boundaries at the time of acceptance of a marriage contract from the sexually-intimate relationship point of view? By default, marriage agreement assumes having monogamous intimate relationships "until death do us part". Violation of the implicit good faith contract, by having sexual relationship outside of marriage is considered "Cheating" where not just physical intimacy but emotional intimacy is measured as infidelity.


Emotional intimacy is a special deep emotional connection between two people which leads to building a very close bond with the person other than spouse or partner. This very close companionship and deep Ėlevel open communication between a man and a woman eventually becomes much more important and honest than emotional connection between spouses. Even though this relationship does not involve physical intimacy, itís considered cheating. Sexual infidelity is identified as sexual activity with someone other than the person to whom one is committed. According to definition of Wikipedia, sexual infidelity in marriage is called adultery, philandery or an affair; while in other interpersonal relationships it may be called "cheating". Very often long-term relationships of extra-marital affairs have both parts of infidelity: emotional and physical making relationships extremely important for both partied involved and awfully hard to end.


By default, we assume that people, who are involved in extramarital relationships, are stuck in unhappy marriages. Very often this is a true statement. A question is: why people who seem to be in a successful marriage and love their spouses look for extra-marital affairs? General perception of a cheater is a person who is dishonest, does not love their partner and is simply a deceitful individual. Is it always a case? Should we judge a person whose spouse lost an interest in sex? Would divorce be a fair resolution or ignoring your physical needs and being unhappy but faithful is a right decision?


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